Being absolutely SO MAD

Is it really possible to be so mad at someone you just can't stand it?? Um...yes. And I am talking about my LANDLORD.

We have lived at this house for 2 and a half years now and it really is a beautiful country house. Everything we wanted. 3 bedrooms, 1 1/2 bath, an extra room for the kiddos play room, and an office for a price that couldn't be beat.

Promises, Promises.

Our dryer has no vent to the outside to let the air out while the dryer is going. So, where does it go but in the house. He promised us he would have a hole drilled in the side of the house to allow the ventilation to go to the outside. Never done. After 2 1/2 years. And yes we have repeatedly told him about the ventilation. His answer..."Well, it helps heat the home in the winter, hahaha." Not a friggen joke Mr. Landlord.

While I was cleaning the downstairs bathroom yesterday, I looked up. And what do I see??

MOLD!!!!

All on the walls and ceiling going into the basement. Unacceptable. And the fact that he won't/hasn't done anything about makes me even more mad. Now, because of his laziness, I have to spend time (that is very hard to come by these days) to look for another house. Thanks Mr. Landlord, if that's what you want to call yourself. I took pictures of everything that is wrong with this house and the mold of course.

My kids have CF!!! He knows this. I don't care if they didn't, this is unacceptable. But they do, and I guess it makes me even more mad. He doesn't care. THESE ARE MY KIDS' LIVES YOU ARE MESSING WITH AND NOW YOU MUST MESS WITH ME!!!!

Now, I wonder if this has been causing damage to them. If it's on the walls, you know darn well, it's IN the walls. We have to be out of here before the cold weather hits because I am not turning the heat on and letting us breathe that crap in. I am so mad!!!!!

Starting to pack tonight. Haven't found a place yet, but come the end of next week we will. By November 1st we are out of here and then I am going to send in the papers I get (after contacting the Dept. of Health) and have someone actually come out and look at this house to see how bad it really is.

Unacceptable. Some, unfortunately, are just in it for the money. Sad.

Asking for prayers beyond belief and overtime here for us that we find a place withing the next week.

UNACCEPTABLE.

Time Is Of The Essence

I was going to blog tonight, plans changed. My little girl came up to me and wrapped her arms around me and asked me to play with her. The computer has NO comparison to my babies. So, I will blog tomorrow. Hope everyone had a great weekend, we did. Some things going on with the kiddos but will let everyone know tomorrow. (They are showing sign of being "back up." Both of them. We are upping the doses of Miralax for both of them. BIG TIME.

But, for now, time for me to go. Just asking for prayers that my kiddos can get out what they need to.

Love to ALL!!

NEEDTOBREATHE - Washed By The Water (video)

This band is amazing. This song is amazing. Take a listen. Let God in. He loves you.

A Parents Decision--It's OUR Decision

So... I wish I could feel comfortable enough of sending Hunter to public school. Well... I don't and I have very good reason for feeling this way. We enrolled him into a public school when he was aged 3 and in pre-school. Thought, this is great. Hunter in school, Ren will be taking naps, and I get some ME time. Well, the time comes to asking Hunter how school went. Teachers, friends, everything great. I ask him, "Did they give you your meds?" "Well, yeah mommy. I had to ask them."

NOT ACCEPTABLE!!! Especially when you put so much time into making a plan that the State is to follow to make sure any "special needs" kiddos get what they need.

This didn't happen once, twice, but on a continuous basis.

I even spoke to his teacher about this as well as the nurse. Are you serious. Can this be?? A plan that HAS to be followed by law, not be taken seriously by the Board of Education?

Yes. It happened, too, too many times. I was fed up with it. Sure, I could fight it. I could and I would have. I would have won.

I got to thinking, even if I won and the school was in the wrong, could I still trust them with my sons health.

Simple answer...NO.

This wasn't only my decision, but Brandon and I both made this one together.

Homeschooling it was. I could do it.

SSI for both kids, which meant, I don't have to work. Brandon works a full-time job and supports us very well and the insurance is excellent.

I can do this. I can and I will. So, I am.

Mornings...treatments for both. That doesn't go bad since cartoons are on.

Breakfast next, then school. Sometimes, I decide to pick up some around the house before school.

Schooling takes most of the day. Some days are better than others. It's hard to teach when your kid is sick, but I do. To an extent.

I figure, if he was in public school he would be out a long time because of a sickness. At least I am still teaching him, even when he is sick.

I REFUSE FOR MY CHILDREN TO GET BEHIND.

I home school during the summer as well. I still give them the time to have fun but even during the summer they get school.

Again...better to be ahead than behind. This helps them for when they do get sick.

Lunch comes and then naps for Ren.

School for Hunter.

Then, 2 more rounds of treatments before bedtime.

The days do get hard. (mom you know :)) The kids go outside and have extra-curricular activities to be with other kids and socialize.

I have to say that even though the decision was mine and Brandon's to home-school, never, and I mean NEVER in my life have I ever gotten so much negative feedback for doing something that we felt is right.

I'm saying certain family members, their Dr's. It got to be ridiculous.

You guys are not here every day and have to second guess if YOUR child got his meds to be able to eat that day. If he did eat, did he get his meds. If I EVER have to doubt the integrity of someone or their capabilities of watching over my children when I am not there, I'm taking them out of the situation.

I'm their mom. I am here to protect them, their health.

No one will ever understand what a parent has to go through on a daily basis with a child with a condition, let a lone 2, to make sure they get what they need to succeed in the world today.

If you're not going through it and you have something negative to say, keep it to yourself.

You don't have a clue.

My children are our lives and I will make sure, with all that I have, that they will be the most successful in whatever they want to do.

DRAMA

DRAMA:

Websters Definition: A composition in verse or prose intended to portray life or character or to tell a story usually involving conflicts and emotions through action and dialogue and typically designed for theatrical performance.

Drama is everywhere. EVERYWHERE.

I remember growing up and being in school and drama consisted of who's talking behind who's back and who's making up lies to make themself look and make themself look better.

You know what I finally realized?

No matter how old you are or where you are at, someone is continously causing drama.

It never goes away.

People tend to think a way of themself. Some have this picture in their head of who they are but aren not. Some, even put themself on a pedistal, higher than everyone else--thinking they are better than everyone else around them. Some continuously live a life of nothing but lies.

Lies...they believe.

Maybe it was the way they were brought up and taught as a child and live that life today as an adult.

Drama.

It is something that affects a person/people in a way that changes them forever. You can pretend not listen or just turn away. But... it is still with you because words you can't take back.

Drama.

I honestly believe that with some, they are perfect in their own eyes. The only way they can stay that way is to cause drama with others to make them feel better about themself.

Drama.

This is something that WILL ruin a relationship over time.

A person can only take so much.

The word is Drama. It should be called LIES!!!

These are people that will live lonely lives, thinking that they are in no wrong. They are perfect. They believe their lies.

I feel for these people. These are people that are going to be by themself one day, thinking, where are all the people that once loved me and listened to me?

What happened.

Answer: DRAMA

Just Over It Already

So, the family is still sick.

Hunter was put on Cipro Saturday and he has had side effects that people don't normally get. He gets really intense nightmares. He woke up Saturday night screaming at the top of our stairs, while Brandon and I were downstairs, crying too. We go up to find out he was still sleeping but awake. His response to why he was up..."I need to check on Ren". Ok, I went into Ren's room to make sure she was ok and daddy laid him back down. Later that night, around 2:30 or so in the morning, he comes running into our room screaming again. What the heck is going on?? Laid him back down. Same thing happened Sunday night as well as last night. I called his Dr. and she said in all her years she has never had a call about nightmare being associated with Cipro. Um, well excuse Miss nurse, our kids have been firsts for an awful lot of things with that hospital and CF. The Dr. wants him off Cipro for a few days and put back on Nasacort to see if maybe it's post-nasal drip that is causing his coughing. So that's where we're at at this point. We will see if he sleeps through the night tonight being off the Cipro.

Ren, is all congestion and coughing from time to time.

I as well as daddy are in the same boat with this stinkin cough and the nasal congestion. I have been sick now for 5 days and wondering how long this will last.

We were sick and didnt do a whole lot of anything over the holiday weekend. We were to go to my mom and dads to celebrated my mom's birthday but had to postpone that. Miss them and I was so diappointed that this happened. I'm praying this weekend we will be able to get together.

I'm just ready for us all to be over this already.

I'm hoping for the post tomorrow will be some happier news.

All in all, we are all ok and no kiddos in the hospital with any respiratory problems because of whatever this is. So, that is good.

Dear God, please cut us a break. Please just let us all get better. Please comfort us tonight and let us all get a good nights sleep that we are so in need of. We trust You Lord. In Jesus' name, Amen.

This Man I Know

There's a man I know.

A man I have never met in person, but know wholeheartedly.

This is a man who was born into a family so poor.

A man, who's mother and father, so faithful.

This man lived a very hard life. But a purpose-filled life.

Perfection, Love, Honesty, Purity.

This man did what no one could do.

This man grew up spreading the Word of God.

He spoke to everyone, not just the "good".

He loved the worst of the worst.

This man had friends, 12 good friends to be exact.

This man was betrayed by one.

Much like we may be betrayed today.

This man, no matter the price he paid and who didn't agree with him,

still preached the Word.

Because of this man, and his Honor to the Lord, his life was taken.

His life ended at such a young age.

His life ended still loving, even those that killed him.

His life ended with followers.

His life was hard.

This man is still Alive today.

This man is Jesus.

I speak a lot about the Bible. I speak a lot about God.

Sin needs to be taken away. A new life needs to start.

To do that you need to accept the Lord and Savior in your heart.

Wash away the old, start anew.

No one will ever be perfect. That is why Jesus died for us on that cross.

We sin.

That's life.

But we are forgiven.

GOD IS REAL.

There is Heaven.

There is a Hell.

I love the Lord. Without Him, my kids would not be here, I would not have the life I do.

I trust you Lord, and I love you.

A MAN I AM PROUD TO SAY I KNOW.

Uh Oh!!

Ren woke up this morning with a sore throat. Great. She was looking for throat losanges in the house but didn't have any because of Hunter having strep and taking them all.

Please no strep for her too!!

I am calling tomorrow to set up a re-check appointment for Hunter for Friday to make sure he is rid of the strep cooties but may be making an appoinment for Ren, to get her checked. I'm going to give it until tomorrow morning to see how she is doing.

Hunter is not going to be a happy camper when he comes to realize where we are taking him on Friday. It's just another one of those very dreaded Dr's visits because of how he acts.

Hunter has been feeling better except for this morning there were the belly pains again...not just in him but Ren as well. I swear, one thing hits one kid and then it's just a matter of time for the other one. These kids are like two peas in a pod.

Questions I ask myself then:

Do they need to go poo?

Are they hungry?

So, I had and made sure they both did what they needed to do. Ren was straining, not good. I hate to see her go into a corner and it just takes everything out of her to go sometimes. Sometimes, it even makes her cry. Hunter had no problems though. So, I went ahead and gave them an extra dose of lax. Hoping for it to work.

Bellies still hurt.

I feed them. I feed them good!!! After breakfast, I ask them if their bellies and throats still hurt. Their reply, "Yes." Aaaargh.

So they are due one more dose of lax and I'm going to make it a good one. Praying Rens throat is better after she wakes from naps and both their bellies are better.

It's that guessing game that I hate on trying to figure out and weed out what can possibly be going on. Oh well. I will figure it out sooner or later. Just praying that Ren doesn't have strep but I honestly wouldn't doubt it if she did.

Cystic Fibrosis Foundation: Sweat Test

This in an informational video to show what the sweat test is and how it is used to diagnose Cystic Fibrosis. Raising awareness, one day at a time.

Cystic Fibrosis 65 Roses

Although this video brought tears to my eyes as I was watching, I KNOW for a fact that my Good Lord and Savior will bring us a cure for this disease. I have no doubt in my mind. I post these videos to bring awareness as to what Cystic Fibrosis is and what we go through on a daily basis. Help us find a cure for CF. Please go to CFF.Org and donate anything you can to go to finding a cure for the thousands of innocent children and adults suffering from this disease. Including my two children.

Thank You Lord!

So this is how much my kiddos love church. On Monday, "Mommy when do we go to church?" " 6 days dear." Tuesday, "Mommy when do we go to church?" "5 days dear." On and on.

This morning..."Mommy when do we go to church?" "Today!!" The kiddos were so very happy to be going to church. I can't even begin to explain how happy that makes me!

Other than church, nothing really eventful happened today.

We got home from church and daddy fed the kiddos lunch while I was on the phone with my mom double checking on how to make a turkey--low carb style.

Thanks mom!! :)

Making new foods scare me. A little intimidating. I think more so now, that we spend so much money on meats because of the low carb diet Brandon and I are on. I don't want to mess it up.

So, I got the turkey done. YAY!! We all actually laid down this afternoon for some afternoon snoozes and by the time we got up from naps, the turkey was smelling OH SO GOOD!!!

The meat was falling off the bone and was so delicious. I have to pat myself on the back this time. Brandon said that it tasted better than my Thanksgiving and Christmas turkey I made last year. I think that's good, right?

So tonight, just kicking back and going to play a board game with the kiddos until bedtime. I can't believe that tomorrow if Monday already. Why does it seem like the weekends are going by faster and faster?

All in all, it was a wonderful day.

All I Can Say Is WOW!!!

OK, today was a really good day. It's Friday and kids were behaving well for me today. Managed to get school in and Hunter has his first test on Monday in Bible. He has memorized 2 verses really well, among other things. Reading really coming along too.

Friday nights are grocery shopping nights and we usually grab a bite to eat at either Mc Donald's or Burger King.

Tonight...was Burger King.

No problem!! Hunter opted to go for the the Whopper Value Meal instead of the big kids meal with a toy. Shocker!!!! So we got it for him. Now, mind you not, this is a 6 year old who weighs in at 75 pounds as of last week. I didn't think he would be able to do it.

WRONG!!!

Don't EVER underestimate a child and their appetite!!!!

He finished the whole thing. MAN OH MAN!!

Ren had a big kids meal instead of a regular kids meal and she finished all of that as well.

My little chunk!

Where in the world am I going to find the money to not only keep food in the house now, but when they are teenagers!!!! Is it possible?? I pray that it is and it will be. It's hard enough now to keep food in the house until Wednesday before going back to the store for more.

I'm ok with that though. My kids are healthy, strong kids. That's all I ask for.

Way To Go Hunter!!!

What is Cystic Fibrosis? And Who Does it Affect?

Sweetly Broken - Jeremy Riddle [LYRICS]

This song is me. I hold this song very close to my heart. I love this song with all my heart and soul. I ask you to push play, close your eyes, and give everything you have to God Himself. Let him reign and surrender yourself!!

What Can I Say, Except...It's All Good.

So, good news... Hunter is started to get better each and every day. This antibiotic (omnicef) has really started to work. Treatments upon treatments and his meds, it's going really good. I just don't think the last antibiotic he was on did anything for him still had it the whole time.

Ren has been doing well too. No signs of a sore throat with her and just treatments as well.

So this is great news!!

Yesterday was kinda a rough day with Hunter not feeling well at all, but the mommy (and teacher) in me still wanted to get school in. And we did. Just not to the extent that we normally do. Today, however, was a great day in school. Today, we focused on studying the Bible. He's memorized two bible verses and did a lot of worksheets and I have actually given him "homework" to do as well. My mom kinda thinks that's funny being that he is homeschooled and having "home"work. It did make me laugh!! :)

I wanted BOTH kids to get naps in. I know with Hunter being 6, he wouldn't require one, but with him being sick with Strep, I wanted him to get his rest. They both got some really good rest in today. Yippee!!

I have been able to get some "me"time--nice and quiet, which is slim to none. Haha.

Tomorrow is Friday and I love Fridays because that just means the weekend and I get help from daddy with the kids on the weekend. Not that he doesn't help during the week, I just get to take a break (if you call it that) from everything I do during the week.

I love my hubby for all that he does and couldn't ask for anyone better that works so hard for us and takes care of us all like he does.

I am truly blessed with wonderful parents, a wonderful husband, and the best two children in the world.

Thank you Lord Jesus for all that you have given me.

So Today Was About One Thing...Bleach

This wasn't even all the toys--this was about HALF!!!!

More books--less toys!

So, Hunter has strep right?

My fear is Ren catching it.

The OCD kicked in me today.

Hubby always thought I had it since I am so concerned and worried about having a clean house.

I am one that would clean 3 times a week.

I'm not kidding, I started to think I had it. But I just think it's me wanting things clean, especially since the kids have CF.

ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING.

DIDN'T MATTER.

Well, it kicked in today-BIG TIME! I took all the kids' toys, dumped what I could into the bath, and poured bleach, a lot of it in there. I wanted to get as much of it out of the house as possible. I worked my butt off today.

Considering I just cleaned the house yesterday, since finding out Hunter has strep I cleaned it all again, and again.

Hunter woke up this morning feeling horrible. The first thing he asked for when he woke up was his antibiotic. I felt so bad for him and just wanted to take it from him.

If I could take anything away from the kids, it would be the CF. I used to pray and pray that God would just give the CF to me and let the kids live a normal, healthy life.

That's not God's plan.

These kids are going to serve a very special purpose in this world and do something amazing even having CF.

Gave treatments today between cleaning and antibiotics.

Hunter seems to be feeling better now, but I just hope and pray to God that Ren doesn't catch any of this, let along daddy or myself.

We're not sure if Hunter is a carrier of the strep or not. Not sure if the last antibiotic he was on just didn't kick it out of him or if he is just growing the bacteria and it hasn't hit the worse stage yet.

This antibiotic seems to be helping after just 3 doses. So fingers crossed.

It has been a loooong day and I am actually looking forward to putting the kids down tonight and getting a good nights rest, if that's possible.

Another Antibiotic-Different Child

So Hunter has been complaining of a sore throat since Friday.

Mommy's thinking...Here we go again.

Coughing, sore throat, not being able to sleep because of it.

He was just tested for strep about a month ago and tested positive. Given antibiotics for it and then it either came back or never left. I think it never went away. Last night was the straw for me. He had such a hard time swallowing. I called last night and left a message (with it being Sunday) with the CF Doctor. She calls me back this morning and tells me to take him to the pediatricians office. Ok, no problem. Well, she went on to tell me that there is a virus going around where it causes painful bumps in the back of the throat. Great, huh.

The weird thing is, is that Ren just got off of 14 days of omnicef for a cough that she had. I'm wondering if these kids are passing it back and forth.

Hunter was put on a different antibiotic this time, and praying that it works.

The throat swabs are the WORSE for him. Hunter has severe Dr. anxiety and this time he actually did NOT hit or kick the Dr.!!! This is huge. He still wasn't happy about it and I think if the door was open to the room he would have bolted.

So, we will see where these next 10 days take us with him being on the different antibiotic and praying that Ren does not catch this. He doesn't know it yet, but we are taking him back in 12 days to retested to make sure it is gone.

This is the first year we have had to deal with strep and it's just so weird that he tested positive again.

My kids are so used to pain that I think Hunter was hurting a lot sooner than these past few days, but, weird to say, with as much as they have been through and the pain they go through sometimes, they just live with it until they can't any longer.

I thought having babies that couldn't tell you what was wrong was bad, but it's even worse when you have kids that can talk and tell you what hurts but they don't:

USED TO BEING IN PAIN.

Fear of Drs?

Fear of needles?

Another medication?

I just wish they would tell me so I could fix their boo boos. Before it gets to the point they are hurting so much.

Asking for prayers.

Our Adenture-and YES, it was a Drs Appt.

So, Daddy worked yesterday as he always does and then had to go back in last night to work the midnight shift to have today off for

Hunters appt. Loooong day for me. I thought it would NEVER end. I lay one kid down for bed, the other gets up. Back and forth at least 3 times.

So daddy gets home this morning. Had the kids fed, diaper bag packed and DVD player charged. We were ready.

On the road by 830 for Hunters 1030 appt. We got there right on time. Sign in and he isn't even brought into a room until 1100. OK, patience mommy. The waiting room was packed. Going to be a long day.

The nurse checked his eyes, and noticed that with his left eye, he is tilting his head just a little to the left to compensate for his left eye that has the Duane's in it. His eye muscle will not move the way it should. It doesn't move unless he looks to the right without moving his head and then it shoots upwards. But, his eyesight in general, was perfect. She tells me that his eyes do need to be dilated and then after dilation, the wait would be about an hour before the Dr. calls us in to be checked.

OK, patience mommy, we can deal with that...

So the kids started getting hungry. When aren't they, honestly. No problem. I had packed PB&J for the kids to eat while we were there. NO MEDS!!!! The kids had taken their enzymes out of the diaper bag. They can't eat and they were starving. So, we resorted to a couple bags of fruit snacks for them and held them over for about 5 mins.

So, I'm thinking, we are 2 hours away from home and no meds for them to eat. We have lunch and dinner to go. Hmmmm, lovely.

So, then the lady calls Hunter in to go in for his drops. Well, Hunter in the bathroom Miss. She tells me, "It will only take a min for the drops." By that point, I was just frustrated. I'm like, "Hunter is in the BATHROOM!! You can't give him the drops now." Um, are you serious?!?!

So Hunter finally came back and was screeeeeaming when he was getting the drops put in. Hunter has extreme Dr. anxiety and this did not go well at all. Finally got them in.

I called the kids' nurse and nutritionist while we were there to see if we could just go up a couple of floors in the hospital to pick up some enzymes for the kids so they could eat. Thank you Lord, she called back and we got some meds!!! Yay!!!

The whole appt took 2 1/2 hours. It seemed more like a CF clinic visit rather than an eye appt. I drove home and it was literally back to back traffic. We were lucky to move 50 ft in 45 mins.

My stress level was high.

We finally got home around 4 and what a day. I am beat, hubby is beat, and the kids are WIRED!!!

All in all, it was a good appt. only because Hunters results came back great. We don't have to go back for another 9 months, unless of course his eyes get worse. Okay with me!!!

HOME SWEET HOME--the sweetest words I can say right now.

Stress and Anxiety

That's me in a nutshell. Stress and anxiety. I've had it pretty much since I can remember. Never thought anything of it when I was in my late teens or early twenties. Until...Hunter was born. It all started brewing. I always thought it would be something I could, myself, control...wrong.

Having a child can be stressful in itself. No doubt. I've never really told the story of how Hunter was actually diagnosed. All of it.

When Hunter was born, at that time there was no CF testing with the newborn screening, all was great. He passed the meconium ileus that he needed to, we went home. A couple days later, we noticed his skin turning a yellow color. Jaundice. He had to be put on a machine that would help control it. That got better in time. Hunter was downing 8 oz. of formula 6 or more times a day at a "newborn" stage. Never thought anything of it. Just thought he was a little porker, despite the weight gain that he was not doing. I would literally prop the bottle up in his mouth with a pillow and he would just gulp it down. Until the day came when I sat him up and EVERYTHING came flying back out. Ok. Thought maybe he just got too much at one time, or he just wasn't feeling good. Um...yeah.

Until it happened again, he was gagging. First time mom, not knowing what was going on, hubby at work, and extremely worried. Took him straight to the pediatricians office and they told us to go up to Rockford Memorial Hospital. Through the ER he went straight to the operating room. Come to find out he had a bowel obstruction, part of his intestines removed, and diagnosed with CF at that time, while staying 2 weeks up there. Stress/Anxiety was very apparent.

Ok, so got Hunter under control and then Ren. 5 times in the hospital her first year. RSV when she was 3 weeks old in the hospital on top of bleeding from the mouth. Brandon and I later figured out (NOT THE DR'S) that it was due to not enough applesauce with enzymes. Go figure, who knew?? Hunter was staying with my parents and I told them to go get him tested for RSV as well. He came up positive. So, a child in the hosp with RSV and bleeding and a son 2 hours away with my parents with RSV. Frustrating. Everything in the end came out fine, as it always does with the faith in God.

Fast forward 3 years later. A lot, granted, has happened in those 3 years and I will blog another time about the things that did happen.

I was diagnosed with having anxiety and put on meds for it for anxiety disorder just last year. Is it possible for someone who has a child with a "condition"/CF ( I don't EVER put disease because it WILL be cured) not to have stress or anxiety. I went off of my meds this week and could tell a whole world of difference. Just needed a refill, that's all, and I would rather spend that copay on the kids than myself, BUT it's something I know now I need. Today proved it. I need to take care of myself.

I HATE having to rely on meds. Thinking I can control myself. I have so much going on now, that I know a little bit of help doesn't hurt, especially if I'm taking meds for anxiety disorder.

I guess I would appreciate in knowing if I am the only one. Am I the only one that stresses about their children and the CF? I think not, but how do others deal with it?

Am I the only one that has literally a million things going on in one day and try finding the time to get it all done?? I think not.

Am I the only one who home schools their children and takes on that responsibility myself?? I think not.

Why do I feel so overwhelmed.

I CAN DO THIS

I KNOW I CAN

I wouldn't have taken on all I have if I didn't know I could.

I chose this life, I want this life, I wouldn't give this life I have up for the world itself.

Just feeling like I need to take on the world and not sure if I can.

As long as I can take care of my kids and husband that's all that matters.

Meds, treatments, homeschooling, hockey, the house, meals, naps for Ren. I know I say it a lot but you know what? I am so proud of myself for taking these on. Because I KNOW I can do it

and it benefits my family most of all.

Thanks for listening.

Much Love.

Yes, I Am Also A Teacher

So school has officially started. Started this last Monday. The kiddos are having such a great time with it as am I. Serenity has been really great about giving me the time I need to be with Hunter to teach him. I just give her something to do, as in her own homework. She loves to be included, as any child would be. Sometimes, it gets a little trying, but that's when I realize I need to find a different or new way of teaching.

I think I have found a schedule to go with, I think. At least it's working this week. I have to fit in treatments, breakfast, lunch, schooling, naps for Ren, then figure out what in the world dinner will be that night, and then hockey practice too. It's working though.

I never ever imagined I would be doing as much as I am as a mom. I wouldnt trade it for the world at all. I know my kids are safe, I know they are healthy. They are getting all they need from here at home and outside of home as well.

It's not easy by any means. Some days I just don't "feel" like doing some things. Then, I think to myself, I don't really have a choice. I NEED to. These kids depend on me for so much. I can't let them down as a teacher, nurse, etc., but most of all their mom.

The one thing I want my kids to do when they get older, is to look back and know that their mom did anything and everything for them and their benefit. I want them to be proud, most of all.