My Oh My!

So, a lot has happened since the last time I posted. My little girl turned 4 on January 12, I had to go to the Dr. for this burning, excruciating pain in my stomach. Turns out I have gasteritis. Did labs and now find out it was indeed an ulcer. Gee, I wouldn't know why I would ever get one of those. Stress maybe...um yeah. So anyways, on this medication PrevPack for a month to kill off the bacteria in my tummy. It is 4 pills in the morning and another 4 at night. 2 different types of antis, a prevacid pill. Hunter goes, "Look Mommy!! You have the same pill I take!" It was funny.

So, then yesterday we had to trek it up to Childrens for their normal clinic visit. Being that this is a rescehduled appt, not by my choosing, we got stuck with a time of 8am. Now, living 2 hours way, we had to leave at 5:15am to be up there in time. We ended up getting there 15 mins. early. PFTs went great. Hunters FEV1 is 93%. Better than the 85 we got at our last visit. Appt. with the Dr. herself went really well. We thought the kiddos would have labs yesterday, due to being Vit D defficiant, but they are waiting until the next clinic visit in May. Whew!! Hunter is at 79 pounds now and Ren is at 46 pounds. They are growing beautifully. Thank God.

Then this morning I wake up and I was getting severe stomach cramps. I mean severe. I called the Dr. and he changed me from Prevacid now to Nexium.

Then Friday, we have to go to an SSI meeting at 2 for Hunter to get his case reviewed. Fun fun. They were wanting statements, wages, everything, dated back to November 2009. Considering I am anal about filing and everything having it's own folder, I had everything that they are asking for. If I'm not somewhat organized, I don't function well at all. I'm nervous about this though, I don't know why. Everything's in order. I'm thinking it's because we moved and switching banks and all that stuff. I don't know.

Just a lot of stuff going on. I try to relax, God knows I do. But, if I do, something will be missed or something won't get done when it needs to be. I'm trying though.

Please, Please Lord give me a break!!

Starting yesterday morning I have felt this pain in my upper abdomen. A fullness and it hurts. So much has been going on these past few months, that I actually think I may have an ulcer. NEVER had one before in my life. I don't know what to do. Can't afford to go to the Dr. until Friday, if it's not any better, with the copay and meds I know he is going to prescribe, so I just have to wait it out and pray it gets better. I'm tired and just want this to stop. Stress starting in October has brought me down to a level where I think it's effecting my health. If it's not one thing it's another. It's a constant of being stressed and I don't know how to deal with stress. My hubby tells me, maybe yoga. Not a good time to think of that. I'm sorry, I just want something to help me at the moment. Not really into the whole yoga thing.

Ren has been having a consistent cough since Friday and it was today that I called up to her Dr. to get something prescribed for her. She is now on Bactrim...again. I hate this. I really do. I wish these kids could get "sick" without antis and Drs and everything but it's not that easy when the have CF. Whatever we have to do. That is another reason, why I have to wait to go to the Dr. myself. EVERYTHING is spent on these kids and I wouldn't have it any other way, don't get me wrong. I think I am just run down sometimes. Homeschooling, treatments, meds, "normal" mom stuff and wife duties. I would rather them be at home and me deal with this than go to school and every other week have a problem like before.

Hunter is doing well though. I almost feel he is taking advantage of me not feeling well, and dangit...it's not fair. It's not just him, it's Ren too. They just don't want to listen, ever. I can talk to them but it's like they look at me and blow it off. I've just had it. So tonight it's a "Family talk" night with daddy and Ren especially, is NOT looking forward to it. Maybe it's because I am home all day, every day with them. Daddy does something and puts something in them (fear) that they do NOT like. It's all talking, don't get me wrong, but it's the way he comes across that I don't.

Not too much of a post right now as I am not feeling so hot, but thought I needed to update. I pray that if I have an ulcer, that it's not bad and will just go away. I don't know if it will without going to the Drs. I don't want to spend $60 to go. I would rather use that and buy food for the next week. I'm just stubborn like that. But I know that I am everything to these kids and without me, it wouldn't function. So, I need to take care of myself, I know. I just pray I get better before Friday.

Josh Groban - You Raise Me Up

Always so beautiful. An amazing talent he has. I was listening to this on the radio while kiddos were eating lunch. My kiddos stand up and raise their hands, as in, Praise the Lord.

You Never Let Go - song by Matt Redman

Through God All is possible. Without God nothings possible. Sit back and listen. Listen to the words. I LOVE this song because it reminds me that I am not alone no matter what I may be going through. God is Here. He's waiting for YOU to trust Him. Put everything you have into Him.

Looking Back 2010--WOW

Honestly, where does the time go? Another year gone. Kids another year older as am I. So much has happened in this last year that has brought my family through hell and back but we did it. We did it because God saw that we were going to be ok.

Hunter and Ren, neither one, was admitted this year into the hospital. The first for this to happen. They are healthy, healthy kiddos. A lot of antibiotics for the kiddos, just this time of the year.

Serenity, has learned so much through this year. Age 3. She looks up to her older brother for everything. "He" has the answers for everything. Not the case when they both get into trouble for doing something though, then it's all Hunter. lol Ren is starting to step out of her brothers shadow a bit and become her own person. A little girl who loves little girl things. Now, this is just recent, so I'm proud of her for just wearing a pink bow at this point. She loves painting her nails and putting on lip gloss. My little princess.

Hunter has been through a lot this year himself. Age 7. He has seen his baby sister grow into a little girl who is attached to his hip. Sometimes it's good...sometimes not. He is her protector and will protect her forever. He has done unbelievably well in homeschooling. Making A's and B's. And NO momma does not go easy on him. He's such a smart young boy. He has found himself. He loves to skate and play ice hockey. Now interested in Karate. Ice hockey both kiddos love and do together but I think they will have their own sport to do as well. Hunter is a lot like daddy. Loving, giving heart, who loves God. He has been nicknamed "preacher boy". He prays all the time, especially for Ren to be good. haha I couldn't be more proud of him.

Brandon and I have been through a lot this year, but have stayed strong through the hurdles. The hardest thing this last year was moving. The house we were in was mold filled. We had to get out for the kids' sake, well and ours too. Packing boxes and yet no house was even found yet. No money to move, just had what we had. God blessed us with a healthy new home and one that is even more affordable. No matter what we go through, I promise you, God has seen that we always have what we need (not what we want) and that our needs are always met.

So, looking back I can say this has been a really good year. Hard, yes. But it could have been a lot worse.

I have my wonderful husband, two healthy kiddos, a loving family. What MORE could I possibly want??

Amazing Grace ( My Chains are Gone)

I had to post this again. I love God and am blessed that He gave me my family and friends. Healthy kids . I love you Lord and I this song means a great deal to me personally. As I start to tear up, I know God is holding the baby that I lost, in Heaven and going to celebrate Jesus' birthday together. For all that is lost here on earth, EVERYTHING is gained in Heaven.

Albert King / Cold Feet

The Legend.

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Albert King - 1981 - Born Under A Bad Sign

This is my absolute fav Blues singer...Mr. Albert King!! I love the blues. It's so amazing how much emotion is felt through blues. My choice of music for sure!! Enjoy!!

Clinic Visit...Not CF Clinic and What A Joke!!

So today we had an appt. about an hour away with the kids' "new" pediatrician. Even though we live that far away from their pediatrician, we opted to stay with this clinic being the nurses and Drs. know them and have known both the kids since day 1.

Today was a little interesting though. We have seen this Dr. before when their regular Doc was out, so today we had to spend $30 for the kids to be seen by him for their yearly check-up. I'm sorry, but when the kids are being seen every 3 months at the CF clinic, the last thing I'm concerned about is their peds office and being seen once a year.

Hunter asked me 3 times last night if they were getting shots at all. I said no. The fear that these kids feel with Drs. is something I will, nor most, will ever comprehend. I told them both that all we needed to do was talk. Their other Dr. decided to retire. 2nd one in 2 years.

This Dr. is definitely one that I don't prefer, but we need one so insurance will cover the kids' meds. Then a state program picks up the remaining copay, so that way there their meds don't cost a penny for us.

This Dr. has told me many times that I know more than him. Um...yeah, these ARE my kids. I know CF Dr. He tells me something that we should be doing but I will not do because we know what is best for our kids. I just nod. Uh huh, ok Doc.

He told me today that my kids are on the verge of being overweight based on their BMI. Excuse me Dr., my kids have CF and I will keep their weight on and up as long as I humanly can. My kids are not overweight, I will never see that. They're strong and they are fit and they need the "back-up fat" as I call it in case of any hospital stay or sickness. I won't back down, I don't care who it is. It upsets me a little because my kids understand what being "overweight" is. Can you please NOT say that while my kids are in front of you?? You don't understand, not one bit. Ren is 45 pounds and 3 and Hunter is 7 and weighs 77 pounds. My kids eat, nothing wrong with that. Period. But they are NOT fat.

This visit was a waste of time and money. They just wanted our money for the copay for the kids. They are in need of money. My kids are fine and healthy and here this Dr. that knows nothing about CF is telling me what I need to do. I just wanted to go.

So, the kids are fine. Went to my parents house after and saw my mom and my older brother which was nice. We are always remembering the old times and I miss the fact that we all live so far apart. But I guess that's life. At least we got to have fun with Uncle Dan before seeing him again on Christmas.

A very tiring day for us all and I think we are all just going to call it an early night. A lot of driving as it is always. But at least, if anything, the kids got what they needed and did need this appt. for their meds.

Day done and goodnight all!!

Some Good News At Least

Hunter has been on Omnicef for two weeks now with this stuffy nose, non-draining, thing he has going on. The antibiotic FINALLY started to kick in within the past few days. Along with the antis come treatments and allergy meds as well that I think has helped. So that is GREAT news for us.

Serenity, I really don't have much to say about her but that she is doing really, really well.

Homeschooling is still a priority in this house. It has to be the best decision we have ever made. Hunter is scoring A's and B's in Math, Science, Grammar, Bible, and History. It makes me so happy that he is doing so well.

Got a call this morning from the kids' nutritionist with the results of their labs they had done a couple weeks ago. Both kids are showing low levels of Vitamin D. Out of 40, Ren scored 35 and Hunter scored 36. So now they are taking supplements for that. One more thing added to the meds list. I guess I'm just thankful that it wasn't anything major. ALTHOUGH, their next visit, which is January 18, they need to do labs again. Not good. It's so hard with all the screaming, kicking, and hitting oh and Hunter praying to Jesus that he saves him. He was crying out to Jesus that He saves him. It was the funniest thing in the world, but shows me how much he still, even at 7, how hard it is for him to be doing all of this.

I've just been so unbelievably tired this last week for some reason. I could just sleep. I just WANT to be able to sleep. So much going on. I just keep going and hubby is the sweetest thing on the weekends to let me sleep in. He knows what I have to do during the week with the kids, and maybe I'm just exhausted by the time Friday comes. I don't know. Some days are good and some are not, as with most moms. I just have to snap out of this funk I'm in and turn things around, which thanks to my mom and talking to her I am doing.

My kids are doing well. Hubby is well as am I. What more can I ask for? Well...sleep maybe.

Alvin and The Chipmunks: The Christmas Song

Love Love Love it!!

Time and Change

Where does the time go? Life seems to be getting more and more crazy. Treatments, meds, homeschooling, feeding them, then before I know it it's dinner time and there goes another day. These days are going by way to fast. My kids are growing up right before my eyes and the only thing I ever want them to remember is how mommy worked so stinkin hard for them and for them to be proud of me. But, it seems like there is just not enough time in the day to "just play". So, that's changing. I'm finding more one on one time with the kids and it's truly amazing how they act after. It's almost like a changed child. I think all the acting up was them wanting my attention. Although I give it to them in many different forms during the day, it's never just "mommy and me." It's nurse or school teacher. The thing I realized was that it's never to late to make that change. Yes, the light bulb came on for me!! I get so wrapped up in the things the kids need and lose focus on what they are really wanting from me. It's HARD!!

On a different note, Hunter is doing better. I think, well I know, the antibiotic (omnicef), has finally kicked in for him. And with the help of one of my really good friends (Melissa), your advice on getting the nite light vicks vapor has been going every night and now Hunter is able to sleep a good nights sleep. Ren is jealous that she doesn't have one. Thankful she doesn't need it at this point. He wakes up every morning and just says "I got sleep last night mommy." Thank God! Thanks girl!!!

Christmas is quickly approaching and I just want to remind everyone as I have to remind myself, it's NOT about the gifts or the number of gifts. The true meaning of Christmas is when God Himself gave us the gift of Jesus. That's all. Now, of course my kiddos are going to get something, don't get me wrong, but not so much this year. They will know and understand what God has given to us to save us, Jesus. We lose focus on that this time of season. I just want people in the back of their minds to keep Jesus in it and rell your children about the true meaning of Christmas. One year, Hunter and I even mad a birthday cake for Jesus!! It was the best thing.

I just want to thank everyone for their support when I am going through a really hard time. I have taken on an awful lot and trying to constantly change everything as my kids are changing. Homeschooling takes a lot. I HAVE to make sure and you better know I don't go easy on my kids when it comes to school. Hunter has been grading A's and B's, couldn't be more proud of him. Everything just takes such a toll on me that I am tired all the time and hoping for Friday when it's just Monday. I need to change my outlook on that as well AND I will.

I love my babies and I absolutely adore my husband who has stuck by me through the very thickest of thick and the thinnest of thin. Always there to provide and make sure that we have what we NEED not really WANT. He's amazing and anyone would truly be lucky to know him personally. I love you Brandon!!

What the H**l is Going On!!

So in the last post, I posted about the nasal problems we have been having with Hunter. His Dr. says it's "normal" with having CF. If it's not the gut or the lungs, now we have the nose??

So he was put on Omnicef, because of a possible sinus infection. He has been on it for a week now with no luck. First they said allergies, ok I can deal with that. But he's taking zyrtec, singulair, AND nasacort. This happens like every single year. I called the nurse this morning and she called me back this afternoon. I explained EVERYTHING that was going on and what his Dr. was wanting to do if this antibiotic didn't help. I requested maybe a different antibiotic. He can't go back on bactrum, since he's been taking it so much. I just don't understand it. She said that she would talk to the Dr. and get back to me after speaking with her. Surprise, surprise, no call back. I called her and left another message. I'm getting mad.

I also spoke to the nurse about both of the kids' culture results. Hunters, suprisingly, came back normal but now Ren had something that showed up. Don't ask me the name, all I know is that it starts with an S and she had it last September too. So she may be going on something too. It's the time of year, it's the season. It hits these kids like you wouldn't believe. But, then again, I'm sure most of you completely understand.

When he breathes through his mouth, he's ok. But when he breathes through his nose, it sounds so stuffy. Nothing drains from it though. It sounds like it is so impacted with "junk".

Please, anyone that has dealt with this, please let me know.

I HATE THIS. I HATE CF.

Kutless - Strong Tower

Need I say more?? Thank you Lord for being my Strongtower. No matter what!!! I love the Lord and not ashamed to share His word or music!!

So Thankful!!

Plain and simple.

I am thankful for my wonderful little family, my mom and dad, my brothers and extended family. My kiddos are healthy, had a great turkey dinner tonight!! Even though my brother and his fam had been sick and my dad came down sick, it was just us. But... it was awesome!!! I made the turkey and garlic and cheese mashed potoates, we also had green bean casserole. YUM!!

I'm just thankful for my kids so much and my husband. I love them with all my heart.

And I thank the Lord above for providing us with the things we need, not necessarily want. He is good all the time.

Hope everyone else had a wonderful turkey day!!

Cystic Fibrosis - Awareness

God Bless my babies for being so strong and fighting the fight. God Bless all the thousands of others out there, young and old, for fighting the fight. We will find a cure. We will. God has a special purpose for my kids. God has a special purpose for everyone. They are amazing and I envy them. I look up to my kids even though they look up to me. They are both so much stronger than I will ever be.

I love you Hunter and Ren with all my heart.

Love, Mommy

What A Day!!

So a lot has happened since I was last online. We moved and love the new place. Mold free!!

I'm still homeschooling, potty training Ren now and she is doing so well. She's almost there. And just busy being a mom, adminstering meds and doing treatments.

Today was the kids' CF appt up in Chicago. 8am appt. which meant leaving here at 5:30. The only reason I made it this early was because it was a reschedule and this was the only time available before the Thanksgiving. Blah!

Hunter and Serenity both did their PFT's first and they both did really well. Talked to their Dr. about a problem with Hunter that has been an issue for the past couple of months. His sinuses have been HORRIBLE!! He's on the nasacort, zyrtec, and on singulair. His Dr. seems to think their is something going on, maybe a sinus infection. He's now on Ominef and praying this knocks it out of him. She is going to check his culture and see if pseudemonous is growing, and of course, if that's the case, he will be put on Tobi. But if the culture comes out negative and the anti isn't working, she will switch antibiotics. We have a return appt. in 6 weeks and if he is still not any better, she will refer us to an ENT. Then come to find out that his results from the PFT went from the mid 90's like they normally are down to 84. I'm concerned but know and was reassured that it could very well be something going on with his sinuses causing him to work harder when he breathes and affect him. His nose sounds full, but it is so dry. Nothing will come out. So, one step at a time. The last time he was on Tobi was when he was 3 months old. I remember it being VERY time consuming though.

Ren is doing extremely well. Both kids are in the 95% on their growth charts. I'm a proud momma and proud of us parents that kick butt to keep our kiddos at their very best.

And at the very end of the appt. we had labs. Not good. Ren had to get poked twice. Hunter started crying and screaming because Ren was. He was yelling at the lady "She's my best friend!!" Then when it was Hunters turn, when she got the needle in, he was calling out Jesus' name. "Jesus!! Jesus!!" Wanting Jesus to save him. I had to chuckle but then got "the look" from Hunter because he saw me smile. Yikes. The lady asked if he is a kicker and of course I said yes. I wonder...will they ever be ok with any of this stuff in the future?

I will post a lot more now that I am back online. Hope all is well with everyone!! Love to all my friends and family!!

Still In The Process

So, we have been to about 10 houses now, numerous phones calls made, and we are still looking.

Ours boxes are getting full, no new house yet.

The kiddos are excited, as I would be too if I were a kid, to get out and move to another house.

Something new. Something Healthy.

My nerves are getting the best of me right now. Stress/anxiety, frustration like you wouldn't believe.

Trying to get everything in that I need to during the day and still needing a house to live in within a couple of weeks.

It's so frustrating and I'm so stinkin tired.

But...I know what we need to do so I keep on keeping on.

We have a house tonight we are to go see at 6 and Brandon and I have been praying so hard that this is "the one." It could be. Brandon took pics of the house after work one night and the outside is very nice. I just pray the inside is just as nice.

I just want the looking to be over.

This weekend we are meeting with our landlord and will be telling him why we are leaving and on a short notice. It helps that we are on a month to month lease too. Being that he lives next door, we are going to ask his wife come too. Ask them if this is something acceptable that they would live in. I think NOT. Frankly, I don't really care. It's NOT acceptable to me.

My kids need to be healthy. I know we are doing the right thing. I just wish it didn't take so long.

The Lord has not failed us yet. The Lord will NOT fail us. He knows where we need to be and where we are going to be. I guess I would just like a "short-cut" and for Him to just tell me and skip all the other nonsense. If it was only that easy. That's where trust and faith come in. We trust Him, I trust Him.

Please pray for us.

Waiting For That Right House

This has NEVER been so hard to do. Looking for a house, a nice house, that we can afford. It seems like all the houses that I do find are in the most horrible part of town (Rockford).

I am up in the morning on the computer looking, also in the papers, and it's what I'm doing by the time it's time to go to bed at night.

And I can thank my landlord for putting us in this position. I am still upset, but moving past that and just doing now what I have to do to get us out of here. I was hoping to be out by the end of this month which is Friday, so we didnt have to pay another month's rent here. I don't think that's going to happen at this point.

I know God has a plan for us. I know there is a house out there that is healthy for us to live in. It's just a matter of waiting on God's timing and not mine. I know He has never failed us before and He's not going to start now.

It's getting colder out now and starting to wear sweatshirts and socks in the house. I will NOT turn that heat on. We have portable radiators that we spent good money on last year and looks like we will be putting them to good use until we get out of here. At least there's not 3 feet of snow on the ground...yet.

We are inviting my lovely landlord and his wife over this weekend and going to tell them we give our 30 days notice. I can't WAIT for him to ask why. We will see how that turns out.

Saturday, we are also having Hunter's 7th birthday party. I can't believe my little man is going to be 7!!! Little craziness is always good!! :) Right??

I thank the Good Lord above for keeping Hunter and Ren so healthy. I thank God for letting me have the responsibilty of taking care of His children. I have a lot to be thankful for in the midst of all that is happening. Maybe that's what God wants me to see?? I see it and I appreciate it.

Not going to be as mad the way I was last week. Don't get me wrong, I'm still upset, I just have to put that energy into finding a house. (And baking a birthday cake!!) :)